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Jeff

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Daily Rant: 2/1/09
Another rant from a place I write on.
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there's this chair at work. it's unlike any of the other chairs pimping around the office. it doesn't think that it's hot shit, it's not particularly hard working. it's not funny or charming or helpful in any sort of way. no, ladies and sirs, this chair is fucking retarded.

the back rest on the chair is broken. it slumps down on one side and shit and it can barely support itself. i went over to someone's area because they were asking me a question and i went to sit down on this fucking retarded chair without thinking about it so i could show them a workaround to a bug. i almost ate shit. the chair suddenly toppled backward and with a moan that only a retard could produce, was determined to smash my pretty little face into the floor with it's retard strength.

so today i was talking to one of my buddies at work about whatever and i looked at the chair. just sitting there, mocking me with all it's dual lazy eye. i couldn't tell if the fucking chair was really looking at me or not. it's been kind of rough at work lately and i suddenly realized that there was something that i had always wanted to do but had never gotten the chance to. all of a sudden the burning desire to pick up the chair and throw it out of one of our third floor windows onto a street in San Francisco came over me. i got really excited about it and tried to convince one of my bosses that it'd be an awesome idea. how often do you hate an inanimate object so much that you just want to throw it through a fucking window and onto a busy street? we could set up a bonus point system or put money down. will the chair hit an old person, a hippy bicyclist, or a MUNI bus as it sails majestically through the air?

they told me that, no, i couldn't throw the fucking chair out the fucking window. i guess if i ever get laid off or fired or whatever i'll make that my last act at Sega. i'll just grab that fucker, hurl through a fucking huge window and then salute, letting a single tear drop fall from my eye as i smile and shake my head, whispering, "Fly free, you magnificent, beautiful son of a bitch."
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Half-Pinoy, tattooed and pierced badass.
I'm also a registered EMT and a video game tester. I draw and play bass and shit. I like driving fast cars. I like hockey. I like winning. I like cute chicks. I cuss. A lot. Word life.
I'm using this thing to try and get myself to write something once day. About anything.
www.myspace.com/deadsoup

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Daily Rant: 2/1/09
Hey, more lacking of a real update. Only news I have is that I'm finally getting my half-sleeve finished (in a week we do the black/gray shading on the inside of my arm, already finished the outside,) I'm super stressed at work, and I'm flying to LA in a couple of weeks to take a mini-cation of epic proportions. Here's a rant I wrote earlier for something else that I thought was kind of dope.
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i love me some horror movies, but if it's one thing that i hate, it's horror movies that try to razzle dazzle you with an over abundance of plot and try to create sympathy for the meat bags about to get fucking chopped up. look man, i don't give two shits about who is fucking who and who got touched inappropriately as a child and shit. if you're going to market a movie as being filled with extreme violence and tits, then i want a fucking movie that has a body count in the hundreds with more red gore splashed on screen than humanly possible and then send me the fuck home.

i saw My Bloody Valentine in 3D because i'm a whore for gimmicks like 3D movies. the hype on it set a standard bar in my head- this movie was going to be extremely violent with tits. one review on AICN noted it as, "Pretty much a study in 101 ways to kill somebody with a pick-ax" and "has the longest full frontal nudity scene in a horror flick." and in 3D! but when i went to go see it, i was fucking bored. i got a few shits and giggles out of it, like the midget being slammed up into the ceiling with the pick-ax and shit, but overall the fucking violence meter was "meh." and then somebody sold me the naked chick scene as being, "Ten minutes of a gun-toting hot naked blond chick running around angrily." in my head i imagined it kind of on a Planet Terror-level of violence, except with a naked chick. i was pretty disappointed when it's just the chick crying and bitching like everyone else in the fucking movie.

when i become a famous script writer, i'm going to write a script about a fucking unstoppable one-man killing machine. the plot will be flimsy as fuck- dude rolls into town, starts murdering EVERYBODY. not just picking on drunk, horny teenagers, but literally every single man, woman, and child who lives in the fucking town. maybe throw in some National Guard troops for good measure and have a scene where our masked hero takes a fucking tank shell in the chest, rips out the 105mm slug and then fucking EATS IT. it'll be an hour and a half of pure, unadulterated violence and just for shits and giggles, have the last 15 minutes be nothing but a squad of naked chicks armed with miniguns and shit trying to take down our protagonist (because if the movie is about a fucking masked genocidal killer, let's just have the entire movie be about him and make him the fucking protagonist.) the ending doesn't really matter to me- maybe tits is his one weakness and he is felled by our Super Stripper Squad 5. maybe he fucking kills all of them and wears their tits on his head as a new mask. whatever. hell, there could be a scene in which he comes across the "Cop Trying to Make a Difference" character's family, guts open his pregnant wife and rips out of the fetus and then beats the cop to death with it.

enough with this pussy-footing around in mainstream violence. i want fucking gore, god damn it! give me gore!

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